How to write a tribute to your father, with examples

Your father has passed on, and the family has asked each of the children to write a tribute. Maybe it goes in the funeral programme, maybe you will read it at the service, maybe both. This guide will help you get from a blank page to a few honest paragraphs you are proud of. You do not need to be a writer. You only need to remember him clearly.

What a tribute is, and how it differs from a eulogy

A tribute is a short, personal message from one person (or one group, such as the grandchildren) to the person who has left us. It is usually written to him, or about what he meant to you, and it is often printed in the programme under your name.

A eulogy is the longer speech about his whole life, given by one person on behalf of the family. If you have been asked for the eulogy instead, read our guide on how to write a eulogy.

How long it should be

• In a programme: 100 to 250 words. Space is shared with your brothers, sisters and others, and a short tribute is read more carefully than a long one.
• Read aloud at the service: one to two minutes, about 150 to 300 words.

If the family has set a word limit, keep to it. The person putting the programme together will thank you.

Before you write: answer these questions

Take ten minutes with a pen and answer a few of these in single lines. Do not worry about good sentences yet.

• What is the first picture of him that comes to your mind?
• What did he always say? A saying, a warning, a joke.
• What did he teach you without meaning to?
• When were you most proud of him, or he of you?
• What did he do for other people that few knew about?
• What did he love: a team, a song, a place, a meal, his cows, his garden?
• What will you miss on an ordinary day?

Pick the two or three answers that make you feel something. Those are your tribute.

A simple shape in four steps

1. Open with who he was to you. "Dad", "Baba", "my father, my first teacher". One line is enough.
2. Share one or two memories. Small and specific beats big and general. "He drove me to school every morning in the blue pickup and sang badly the whole way" says more than "he was a caring father".
3. Say what he gave you. A value, a habit, a skill, a way of seeing the world. Show how you still carry it.
4. Close with a farewell. Thank him, promise him something, or use words he used to say.

Example: from a son

Dad, you woke up before the sun every day of my life, and I never once heard you complain about it. You taught me that work is not a punishment, it is how you look after the people you love.
I remember the evening you sat with me for three hours to fix my bicycle, then pretended it was nothing when I thanked you.
Your grandson Amani already checks the cows the way you showed him.
Rest well, Dad. We will keep the gate open and the fire going.
Your son, Baraka

Example: from a daughter

Baba, you called me "my professor" long before I finished primary school. You believed in me so loudly that I had no choice but to believe in myself.
You sold your best bull to pay my first year's fees and never mentioned it again. I found out from Mum years later.
Every graduation I have had, you were in the front row in your grey suit. I will look for you in that row for the rest of my life.
Thank you for everything. Go well.
Your daughter, Neema

Example: from the grandchildren together

Grandpa Peter, you always had sweets in your coat pocket and a story about when you were young. We never knew which one was true, and we did not mind.
You taught us to greet every visitor, to plant a tree for every child born, and to never leave food on the plate.
We will miss your laugh at the gate on Sunday afternoons.
With love, all your grandchildren

If your relationship was complicated

Not every father was easy to love, and not every child was close to theirs. You do not have to pretend. A tribute can be short and true:

Dad, we did not always understand each other. But you worked hard for this family, and I am grateful for the roof over our heads and the school fees you paid. I hope you have found peace.

Honest and kind is better than long and forced. If you truly cannot write one, it is fine to ask to be listed with your siblings in a shared tribute instead.

Mistakes to avoid

• Copying a poem from the internet. A short line from a poem is fine. A whole poem pushes out your own voice, and readers notice.
• Listing his achievements. The life history in the programme already does that. Your tribute is about your relationship.
• Old family disputes. Not here, not in print, whoever is reading.
• Leaving it to the last night. Programmes go to print early. Ask the family when your words are needed and send them a day before.
• Spelling names wrong. Check the names of people and places with a sibling or an uncle before you send it.

Reading it aloud

If you will read your tribute at the service, print it in large letters. Read it aloud at home twice. Mark where to breathe. If your voice breaks, stop, take a sip of water and carry on. Everyone in the room understands. If you think you will not manage, ask a brother, sister or friend to stand beside you, ready to read it for you.

Keep it somewhere safe

Tributes are written with great care and then, too often, lost with the programme. Save your words in a document, send a copy to your brothers and sisters, and keep a photograph of the printed page. Your children will want to read what you wrote about their grandfather one day.

In Album, your family's private album on your own web address, there is a tribute page and a place for everyone's stories next to his photographs, and you can make one relative its tribute editor so they can put it together; see a demonstration album.